How many times have you tried to tell someone that you love them and for one reason or another they don't really seem to get the message?

If you're like most guys the answer is somewhere between 'most of the time' and "mostly always." Frustrating isn't it? Well I'm about to give you the secret to breakthrough this riddle giving you a powerful tool for creating incredible relationships. Before I get to the tool let's go back to the beginning, you know, the moment the two of you first met. It's said that human beings are always communicating and using their whole bodies to send and receive messages.

So, likely, when the two of you were first hooking up the CPU inside your body was bombarded with trillions of messages feeding you information and helping you navigate your behavior and craft your words. As you were listening with your ears, you were also 'listening' with other parts of your body such as your eyes, nose, hands and yes, your dick.

Those messages were telling you who your partner is, what they like and dislike, what turns them on and off, and most importantly how they love; meaning the manner or style in which they choose to express love.

Dr. Gary Chapman, a renown psychologist and relationship guru has studied these messages and behaviour patterns for decades and has come up with what I believe to be the Rubik's Cube solution to love.

For the first time, the many different ways in which a person expresses love has been grouped together in five 'Love 'languages.' Every person has their favourite way or ways of communicating love and most of us have learned these ways from one or more significant people in our lives as we were growing up.

So, here's the secret - how a person loves is also how they want to be loved and how they were likely loved as children. Hmmm, let that roll around in your head for a moment. Sooner or later, you'll likely arrive at a point where you begin to realize that at its core love is a choice.

Loving someone is an act of will where I show the other person that they are important to me. Here are the five ways in which most people tell others that they matter:

• Quality Time - 100% focused time with your partner, sans phone, PDA, and posse.
• Physical Touch - anything non-sexual that your partner really enjoys
• Gifts - small somethings which say "I'm paying attention to what interests you."
• Acts of Service - "Clean the snow off their car without being asked" kind of stuff
• Words of Affirmation (Appreciation) - Eric Clapton said it best, "Darlin' you look wonderful tonight."

It's really that simple. Loving another involves paying attention to how they love you and others important to them and then choosing to love them in those same ways. Watch how your partner expresses love to their friends and family and pay attention to how they love you. Then act, because without action, love is just a nice thought.

Til next week,

Dale

Dale Curd is Director of The Mens Program and a counselor in private practise. Check him out at www.DaleCurd.com.

Dale is the co-host of "Guy Talk" 10 pm (EST)Sunday nights on CFRB 1010 or www.CFRB.com.