The Shrink is In - July 31

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To be hairy or smooth?

This week in Northern Manitoba – that’s cold country for you American’s reading – two women spotted something weird and strange walking through the woods. It wasn’t an alien, hairless and bug-eyed. No, it was something far more horrific and disturbing. What they saw was a giant hairy man, walking naked. Can you imagine their fright? I mean in this age of hairless metrosexuals the sight of a Dennis Rodman-sized man covered in fur must have scared the shit out of these two femme fatales.

14% of women polled recently say they prefer a man with lots of body hair. Which means that the vast majority of women prefer that their men be smooth, coiffed, and ...really more like them. In a bizarre twist of fate a man’s fur factor is now largely determined by his woman’s personal preference and what is now largely regarded as fashionable. Let’s remember who sets that vogue benchmark – women and gay men.

In 2003, the makers of Neet, having tapped into public opinion and chose to launch Neet For Men. This was indeed a dark day for men. It wasn’t enough to sculpt our body hair with a razor. With Neet For Men we could now ‘wash away unsightly body hair.’ “Unsightly?” Who’s looking? Without our body hair men are naked boys. Hair on your testicles is one of those benchmark moments in a boy’s journey to manhood and yet, now many of us are more than willing to slather our nuts with shaving cream removing our pubes thereby rendering them pink as lab mice and making our whole package look like a deli special.

Removing a man’s body hair makes him less of a man. Delilah knew this when she seduced Samson and then sheared his locks off. Look around you. I imagine if you’re 35 and younger you likely shave, wax, or Neet most of your body hair. If you’re over 35, you’ll be sculpting certain parts which you’ve heard cause revulsion in women.

It’s pitiful really.

The good news is that this is all about to change. Thanks to designers like Tom Ford body hair is making a comeback. The rugged beard, lambchop sideburns, and full chest and back hair are increasingly being worn rather than shorn by celebrities and fasionistas. I for one am glad. For the record I have a hard time growing a beard and I have hair on my back like ragweed in a sidewalk crack; and my chest looks like Jackson Pollock sprinkled hair seed in a fit of rage over my torso. That said, I am the envy of my friends for my proceeding hairline on my head. I love my body hair and its never something I am embarrassed by.

Can you say the same?

The one truism about life is that we are all going to get older. And along with aging comes a host of physical traits which appear along the journey. Growing hair for a man is one of them. Removing our body hair will not return us to our youth and while it may make our muscles appear more cut, and dicks longer; these are things which will also gradually disappear over time. Like weeds in a parking lot, your body hair will always grow back, sometimes with a vengeance. You can’t stop it even when you’re dead as it will continue to grow while you’re laying in the box.

Let’s face it – we’re not women, or boys. We are men and we have hair on our bodies. And should you find yourself with a woman who finds your body hair disgusting and asks you to remove it – perhaps it’s time to question her attraction of you. For in effect she’s asking you to remove a big part of your manhood.