The Shrink Is In

The Ladies send some questions in to “The Shrink Is In” Male Bag

“Hey Shrink, my boyfriend and I are cool together and have been for almost seven years. Here’s the thing – he’s never on time. Most of the time I don’t care, but lately he’s later than usual like more than an hour – is he cheating on me?”

HM, Scottsdale, AZ

Perhaps. When a guy is late, and I mean habitually, chronically late as your man appears to be then it’s likely that something, or someone is more important than whomever or wherever he promised to be. You see, for guys, our word is all that we have and we tend to value other guys on their ability and willingness to be straight up with us. Now you don’t say whether your guy is late with everyone and everything, or just for those things that involve you. If it’s the former then he doesn’t value his word and that’s why he can toss it around so cheaply – what he says and what he promises are worthless. If it’s the latter, than he’s likely really pissed about something in your relationship and he’s choosing to ‘take control’ of his life by choosing to be late, rather than stand toe to toe with you and tell you what’s really happening. Given that this has been going on for some time, you have unwittingly and quite willingly given the dude permission to act this way and have weakened him as a man. So, really who cares if he’s cheating on you – you should be asking yourself what did you have of value in the first place?

“Hey Shrink,

My guy wears his hair really long and its kind of wild looking at the best of times. I’ve asked him many times to cut it, (not because I hate long hair, but really because he looks like a Sasquatch, and he really would look better if he had short hair), but he says his hair makes him feel more cool. It’s on the verge of being a dealbreaker for me – Help!

CG, St. Petersburg, FLA

Help, indeed. What to do Delilah, what to do? Your man has a vision of himself which he’s really attached to maintaining and apparently the vision’s value is increased by having long, unkempt hair. Long hair has been a symbol or rebellion and power for centuries and most, if not all, of the planet’s early warrior cultures have placed great value on long locks for a man. Long hair has been seen as cool right from JC all they way down to any one of a handful of fashionistas and wrestling semi-gods. And maybe, being who he aspires to be is more comforting to him than who he really is, or how you see him. He believes he’s cooler with long hair, you want it short because you believe he looks better; so in short, your vision and his vision of him are in direct competition with eachother. In order for a relationship to deepen, I have to be willing to have my perspective changed by the experience of another – I have to be open to seeing and believing what another sees and believes. Given where you’re at, (dealbreaker), I suspect you’re unwilling to go along with his long hair and, if he hasn’t had a trim, he’s also unwilling to be shorn. So, rather than create more conflict why not agree to disagree and get on with the other power struggles that are likely happening in your bond. Or, stop whining about it, seize your innate ability to choose and leave Sasquatch in the woods.